I was away for a whopping ten days. That means that my partner in crime was responsible for everything on the home front without any real respite. We have two children who are late blooming sleepers. That is to say that our eldest has JUST started sleeping through the night reliably.
Frankly, even though it was a work trip and lots of work was done...working without having to co-manage a home and family is the same as being on an all inclusive vacation. I WISH I COULD LIE BUT I CAN'T.
I wish I could take my 26 year old tequila, dance soaked self and punch her in the face.
The rub lay in the fact that it really does feel like an all inclusive vacation. Going for dinner, a trip to Drumheller, a run in the Rockies or TO THE BATHROOM without having to negotiate with a two year old or to let the six year old know where I am....does feel like my less compromising and more self-centered twenties.
So on Thursday afternoon when I called Jason from the airport we talked about what were were going to do to get through the next 3 days of "re-entry" or as I fondly refer to coming back from time away "rear-entry".
I am sorry if I am supposed to pretend that coming home was like walking into a room full of butterfly kisses...I just can't. The night I arrived at midnight, M woke up 30 minutes after I got in the door and proceeded to nurse for 5 days straight. I shit you not.
Here's how we tried to keep resentments, bitterness and all the feelings that belong with all transitions (birth on now that I think of it) to a minimum.
Here it goes:
1. Be nice. Do not look at or call attention to anything that is in any way "Less than". Shitty coffee in the freezer? Fuck it. The children are alive and Jason doesn't show any signs of running away. Go to the local coffee shop and buy a pound of premium espresso beans. Then bring him a cup of motherfucking great coffee first thing on Friday morning.
2. Do all of your favourite things with your children immediately. Do not pass go. Life with only work is so much fun for 10 days that it is easy to resent the true normal loves of your life. Go see them do the crazy shit they learned how to do while you were away.
Reminisce about how much time you have spent together over the past summer, express your astonishment at the continuation of your mutual love and then laugh hard when she calls you out on your fear of commitment (it runs so deep!) Also, enjoy the fall colours!
10. Lots of space. Give yourself and everyone around yourself lots of space and time to adjust to your (perhaps) more abrasive, brash way of being. Everyone has to readjust, be thick skinned and kind to yourself and your people.
Off the record, I talk in my sleep and this time I had a lot of super active dreams about transitioning from Banff to Calgary to Toronto - there may have been an indepth dream sequence about what kind of 'Salutations' Jason manages that ended in me suggesting that he doesn't know how to manage a database for shit..
He super loved that.