Friday, October 11, 2013

How to enjoy "re-entry into normal life' insteald of feeling like normal life is enjoying "rear-entry" with you.

I was away for a whopping ten days.  That means that my partner in crime was responsible for everything on the home front without any real respite.  We have two children who are late blooming sleepers. That is to say that our eldest has JUST started sleeping through the night reliably.

Frankly, even though it was a work trip and lots of work was done...working without having to co-manage a home and family is the same as being on an all inclusive vacation.  I WISH I COULD LIE BUT I CAN'T.

I wish I could take my 26 year old tequila, dance soaked self and punch her in the face.

The rub lay in the fact that it really does feel like an all inclusive vacation. Going for dinner, a trip to Drumheller, a run in the Rockies or TO THE BATHROOM without having to negotiate with a two year old or to let the six year old know where I am....does feel like my less compromising and more self-centered twenties.

So on Thursday afternoon when I called Jason from the airport we talked about what were were going to do to get through the next 3 days of "re-entry" or as I fondly refer to coming back from time away "rear-entry".

I am sorry if I am supposed to pretend that coming home was like walking into a room full of butterfly kisses...I just can't.  The night I arrived at midnight, M woke up 30 minutes after I got in the door and proceeded to nurse for 5 days straight. I shit you not.

Here's how we tried to keep resentments, bitterness and all the feelings that belong with all transitions (birth on now that I think of it) to a minimum.

Here it goes:

1. Be nice. Do not look at or call attention to anything that is in any way "Less than".  Shitty coffee in the freezer?  Fuck it. The children are alive and Jason doesn't show any signs of running away.  Go to the local coffee shop and buy a pound of premium espresso beans. Then bring him a cup of motherfucking great coffee first thing on Friday morning.

2. Do all of your favourite things with your children immediately. Do not pass go. Life with only work is so much fun for 10 days that it is easy to resent the true normal loves of your life. Go see them do the crazy shit they learned how to do while you were away.

3. For the love of god, the queen and your country. Be alone and a little bit drunk with your Partner in Crime what may or may not come of it is not the point....well maybe it is. It's likely that if anything does come of it, it will be anywhere but in your bedroom which could be construed as reliving the early months of dating - right?!
4. Go to your favourite local places with your family. These are the adventures that fill me up on desperate winter days or days that the crowd of Toronto is crushing.
5. This is most important when your Partner in Crime has found a new ravine and left it unexplored until you get back from your trip. Go. Be quiet.
6. Make your own food. It is almost impossible to eat well while traveling even in the best of areas you are still eating restaurant food - delicious but detached.  You usually haven't touch a prep utensil in a week. That shit is bad for the soul.
 Eat a carrot. Then chop a shit load up and make yourself some killer whole food to eat with your peeps.
7. Don't make any plans so that if you want you can spend a morning catching up over a warm oven and some delicious scones. Marlowe developed sentences and a brand new voice while I was away. WTF people.
 8. Get up early and go for what might be one of your last dawn bike rides to the spectacular west end with your cycling partner. 
Reminisce about how much time you have spent together over the past summer, express your astonishment at the continuation of your mutual love and then laugh hard when she calls you out on your fear of commitment (it runs so deep!) Also, enjoy the fall colours!

9. Get your local shit under control. Reach out to friends, favourite local clients, and do your goddamned homework before the midterm exam.

10. Lots of space. Give yourself and everyone around yourself lots of space and time to adjust to your (perhaps) more abrasive, brash way of being. Everyone has to readjust, be thick skinned and kind to yourself and your people.

Off the record, I talk in my sleep and this time I had a lot of super active dreams about transitioning from Banff to Calgary to Toronto - there may have been an indepth dream sequence about what kind of 'Salutations' Jason manages that ended in me suggesting that he doesn't know how to manage a database for shit..

He super loved that.

1 comment:

Debbi said...

God, I love you! Nice post!