Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Gearing up for reality.

I had my first 4 hour conference call here at Casa de Separation Anxiety and Fenner had a hoot playing with her dad.

I was a mess. Apparently separation anxiety doesn't necessarily refer to just a baby's feelings...

Look at this Bun - can you blame me??

Her dad saving Fenner from the ROM.

Friday, January 25, 2008

I will never be as pregnant as I was with you Baby.

Fenner hit her three month birthday today and it got me all misty eyed and reminiscent of the week I tried to give birth to her.

This was me 42 Weeks and 4 Days. I look a lot more sane than I was at the time - I refer to the last week of her gestation as "My time in the Deep End." Things got exponentionally less chipper with each passing hour but that's a story for another day and a stronger drink.When Fenner was 2 days old she met her Auntie Carolyn, her Godmother and my oldest friend. Jason, Fenner and I were out for an impromptu dinner just last week with Carolyn and another friend Melissa. In the middle of dinner I wondered if I was, in fact, eating like Cookie Monster, because that's what it feels like eating in public with a baby during arsenic hour.
For all the opinons that Fenner likes to express she is still one of the laughingest babies I've ever met. You just have to earn it - she's not one to throw her love around easily. Comedy gold or the door.
At 7 weeks she discovered her fish mobile and man did she dig it. Those fish are so weird too - I believe that's the Gemmill in her - along with the cheeks, the blue eyes, the light hair, fair skin and morning mollygrumps. I'm very nervous that she'll have my adventurousness and then all the chickens that I set free during my twenties will come home to roost.

Loving the Jolly Jumper AND the hanging toys or trying to escape the Jumper we're still not sure. Being a great sport with her Dad. We have a whole series of pictures along this theme - breastpads, toys, books to help her with her posture - you can never start learning to be a lady too soon you know!

I know the knitting content has been really absent these passed few months but to replace actual production which is much slower we just go and hang with the covens. Fenner has been blessed by the Knitters. In some cases I believe she is practising her superpower - Making women Ovulate (that capital O is not a typo). Seriously, man she was tiny - I can't even believe it.

She has really made a home for herself at the Purple Purl as well. They take great care of both of us there and often too. Good coffee, good wool, good people those knitters. My all encompassing family. How they rock my world.

Sunday, January 06, 2008

The sky is falling. The sky is falling!

Last night I had a dream about going for a walk through Pukaskwa National Park through a warm spring rain.

I woke up and both of my breasts were spraying milk ALL OVER MY FACE. Once upon a time the dream would have been a different genre all together.

I'm going back to work on February 3rd which is breaking my heart and stimulating my brain all at the same time. Jason will be taking the rest of the mat leave. In order to set him and Fenner free to have adventures while I toil, I have been pumping and storing. We're hoping that J can bottle feed her during the day when they are on adventures and I can continue breastfeeding at night and when they are home.

Please don't shatter any illusions I have about this working, and PLEASE don't bash me for going back to work.

Am very proud of my Milk Bank and I like to make orderly and regular deposits every day. I use a Medela pump and it's working great.

We tried the bottle for the first time today with the expectation that she would be full of RAGE, BETRAYAL and DISGUST and while she wasn't super enthusiastic, she actually drank and Jason fed her for the first time. It was exciting and if I wasn't crying like a school girl it would have been more celebratory.

I was immediately overcome with such incredibly mixed emotions. I am greedy for our breastfeeding time. I love everything about it. The nappy dreamy sensation, the bonding, our chatting, the portablility of it, how happy we both are. That this is the one thing no one else can do to care for my daughter - it was all. mine.

Sigh. Sharing is hard.

So it was with mixed emotions that we embarked on the road of independance.

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Happy New Year!!

It's -25C out there today and yet we soldiered on. Fenner was as warm as a fresh Pork Bun and even got some luxurious sun on her face. Is there anything cuter than a baby with rosie cheeks and nose? She's so smart that as soon as she got a little cold she burrowed into my chest and had a nap.

My baby has mad life skillz yo. That's right. I said it.

The traditional monstrosity of a resolution list won't be quite so monstrous this year...mostly because I'm one handed typing with Fenner on my lap on an excercise ball. More later when J is home. Til then...Fenner playing with toys for the first time.