Thursday, August 10, 2006

It is with deep regret...

that I have to publicly apologize to my sisters.

Dear Charlotte and Elizabeth,

I know that through the years we've had our difficulties. Mostly with the fact that when you borrow my new leather shoes on a rainy day you'd stretch them out and render them unusable for me and thus creating a great new addition to your collection.

I can see that the constant borrowing and non-returning of your cute dresses may be nominally annoying but I ALWAYS ask first with the best of intentions and conveniently forget to return the item to your possession - but we've developed a culture of large wardrobiness and I for one will not end the cycle. Especially since Liz, you've developed such great taste in clothes and Charlotte, your steel toe boots fit like a dream.

It was this culture of large wardrobiness that led me to believe that one of you, in a fit of hand knit sock lust (perfectly understandable), had "borrowed" my FAVOURITE hand knit Whitby, Fleece Artist socks and simply "forgotten" to bring them with you when you came to visit.

After checking for them under my bed, in the closets, under the computer, in J's drawers (I can't blame him either), the bathroom, the decks and at the cottage with no luck the only possible answer was that you lost control of yourselves and TOOK MY SOCKS WITHOUT ASKING. This shocking display of disregard for the unspoken rules of wardrobiness stunned me into a moment of silence.

Then when neither of you fessed up after my mildly (re: shockingly) accusing email - my righteous indignation reared up and developed detailed plans of wardroby vengeance. Oh the havoc I would wreak upon your closets was spec-tacular.

It was while planning my revenge one morning I picked up my blades to go to work - the first time in 6 weeks or so. I saw a little peek of blue looking at me from deep within the boot. Yes, that's right.

So, well, I'm sorry I blamed you guys....and Liz? I'm still not giving that dress back - my breasts look too spectacular in it.

Love,

Jen

3 comments:

Lorraine Smith said...

Good of you to fess up. Can you please get in touch with my sisters and tell them to do same? And while you're at it, remind my sister Erin that returning a hand-knit wool sweater after shrinking it and losing two buttons doesn't exactly count as "giving it back".
You going to play tomorrow night with Amy and co? I might crawl out from under my rock again. L:

denny Mcmillan said...

Oh do lorraine, come out and have a pint(or3) with us I'll make a special effort to come too. We can talk about our "dyeing day". It's comeing up you know, our dying day.Don't know what I'm talking about?.Me neither, I just made it up, sounds good though eh? I still got some of that mushroom stuff you gave me.(shit this is really starting to sound like.....)

Oh.................................... hi Jenn





bitch

Lorraine said...

Hey Denny...lovely to hear from you. Check your voicemail. Yes that's right, I'm an eggburt and I won't be coming to knitlyville tonight. Sorry. I'll have to just hope to bump into you in the hood I guess.

Dyeing--yes indeed!! I've got a whole stack of marigolds drying for just the occasion. September. Put on your tinfoil hat. L: