Thursday, February 16, 2006

Love, Texans, Frat Boys and Rush Limbaugh

When I was 17 I went to Brussels, Belgium as a Rotary Exchange Student. There I met a Texan (D) and a Mexican (Javier), together we wreaked tequila soaked havoc across the continent.

Being a sexual retard I didn't figure out that D had a crush on me until I was leaving and he brought a basket of travel goodies (Far Side Comic books, Tequila and his tongue) to the airport for me. We made a promise to hook up in the next year either in Colorado Springs where his family had a condo or at the cottage in the Muskokas.

I still had to finish high school so while I was finishing I babysat kids from 6:30am to 9:00am when I would bring the gaggle of them to school in the morning. We had agreed to meet in Colorado Springs. My mom knowing what this trip was about (getting it on) made me earn every penny to buy the ticket.

On route to Thunder Bay (Manitouwadge had no airport) I got my period. I don't think I had ever seen my mother look so happy to have a daughter. My father was sympathetic but secretly doing the happy pappy dance.

My ill fated trip had begun:

- On the small plane from Denver to Colorado Springs: I lost my contact
- Upon arrival in Colorado Springs FROM MANITOUWADGE I find my pick up to be missing. D had previously, and I thought romantically, insisted that he would be there to get me so I didn't need the address of the condo.
- I find a shit ass flea bag hotel that I can afford and has a room and rent it - BECAUSE THE AIRPORT IS CLOSING DOWN.
- I spend the night crying and calling condo companies to find the asshole.

The next morning I got my shit together and went skiing. I figured out I could buy a three day pass, pay for my motel room and change my flight home. I bump into D on the ski hill.

He takes me to the condo where I meet his friends who are frat brothers at the military college IN TEXAS. They proceed to tell me that Rush Limbaugh is god and girls who are funny are dykes. I was of course the only girl there - no other right thinking woman would have put herself there.

I didn't know who Rush Limbaugh was at the time and I couldn't understand what the attraction was to a fat ignorant asshole. I also couldn't understand why funny girl on girl action was bad in any way. D was particularly charming in his racist jokes about Mexicans which was just confusing to me because Javier and D were tighter than Limbaugh's puckered fat man ass cheeks.

The next day I found a bunch of Waterloo students to spend the rest of the week with thank god. They were great and they had the condo next door to D's so I could go party with them instead. I haven't thought about this adventure in years. This post from Red Tory made me think of it.

Rush Limbaugh is such a hate mongering little fucker.

5 comments:

Steph said...

OMG, turn this into a screenplay...now!

Jill said...

Quit making me laugh in class...

Jen said...

seriously...did i mention that i was half blind because i was too vain to wear glasses?

And that the only run D and I skied together was the first run of the day when he took me down a double black diamond run?!

those texans...it's amazing they can procreate at all.

Heather said...

Jen, I swear, you tell the best stories. Ever. Steph is right, this should be a movie.

Anonymous said...

You should seriously write a book!

But I totally agree about Rush . . .my bf and I were behind a car today with bumper stickers for him, and one that said "Happiness is Republican President" and, my favorite "AIDS cures Homosexuality" it was for the love of his car and that me and his little sister were in the car that stopped him from ramming right into the moron . . .
Secret Pal