Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Brilliant by association

You see folks, I'm a genius - it's in my DNA - here's why:

1. A letter from my Aunt to the Globe and Mail. I swear to god more people need to start thinking like this woman. She's a powerhouse. How else could one womant be a working mother, gardener and chef ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

Just asking

In his review of Marginal Man: The Dark Vision of Harold Innis, Feb. 25, Roy MacSkimming says "Innis was also a workaholic, and Mary raised their four
children almost single-handedly while achieving a scholarly and literary career
of her own."

Who was the workaholic?

2. My genius sister (as portrayed here) has been granted one of four Fresh Water Policy Fellowships from the Walter and Gordon Duncan Foundation. Liz is so passionate about sustainable natural resource development and water management that we are all SO EXCITED THAT SHE FOUND HER PEOPLE (mostly because I don't understand everything she says). More importantly, they WILL PAY HER to do what she loves - a luxury I wish everyone to enjoy.

Congratulations Liz!

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Winter Loving

February and March are such a brutal months. My January high has worn off and the reality of the tail end of winter hits me with full brunt of its blahs. It will never end and Toronto will never have enough snow downtown for us to actually have fun in the cold. These are my most detested months.

In an effort to fight off the hibernatory tendancies of these dry humping days we went up north on Saturday. This is my friend Melissa. She loves winter - not only does she love it but she finds adventure in it. Melissa inspired me to take up the banner of snowshoeing. I haven't gone since gym class in Manitouwadge AND THEY DON'T WEIGH 30 LBS EACH ANYMORE. Man it was fun.

There were six of us including a little honeypot. Haley loved the air and the exercise- at 10 months her mom got most of the exercise. It was just what the doctor ordered for me. So. very. satisfying. I haven't slept well in weeks and the fresh air and exercise knocked me on my ass - it was spectacular.

Is there anything cuter than a baby who has been out in the fresh air for hours! WARNING: This picture may induce ovulation.

Things to know:

Mountain Equipment Co-Op rents snowshoes. If you keep the receipt they will discount the rental fee off of the price of a pair of shoes when you buy them!

Albion Hills is only 45 minutes north of Toronto. The snowshoe trail isn't very extensive but you can go low risk bushwacking off the trail.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Flawless Logic

Last weekend I popped into the Naked Sheep with full plans to buy 1 skein of Handmaiden Sea Silk and put a second on hold until my next pay check. A plan of moderation and non impulsive knit shopping.

The Handmaiden blew my mind - Here's some information on how they create sea silk


I came out with 2 skeins and a beautiful Lantern Moon knitting bag. To my credit - I have a plan for the Sea Silk already. I'm just waiting on the pattern. It's called Productive Stash Accumulation *not* as some might claim, Decorator Stash Accumulation.

and I got a discount - AH HA! (by discount I mean I'm one more stamp closer to being a "frequent yarn shopper" then I get a discount) How frugal am I?!

So here's my thinking: This week I'm going to make my lunch every day, eat dinner at home every night and not go out drinking until Sunday. My logic: I'm saving the money that I spent last weekend.

I've always had a touch of the dyslexia.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Rocking the Rhino since 1974

Dearest Will;

When you're alone and feeling lonely on your loooooooong trip to Auckland remember our night together at the Rhino.

This forehead licking we dedicate to you for without the "It's Will's going away party" inspired Jagermeister shots and hobbit leaf that we so very much enjoyed on Friday night this picture might never have happened. The world, nay the interweb would be a much colder place without this picture - it may be our next Christmas photo.

We'll miss you and remember - Merino, 100% Merino - there is always room for merino.


Jen and Jay

Friday, February 17, 2006

All the news there is to know

From the Urban Sherpa:
People — tune in to CBC National tonight, for the long-awaited broadcast of a special interest piece on knitting. Among other segments, expect to see footage and interviews from the Rosewater Knit in the City SnB back in November

For highlights from the Rosewater Supper Club event go here.

Friday Random Ten - The DPN Loyalty Edition

I have a new rule – I shall use my hair as double pointed needle (dpn) storage Only At Home (Elliot Brood). The Fates have finally gotten the message through to me. I have crossed The Line (Bruce Springsteen – The Ghost of Tom Joad) of knitting and dpn etiquette. As of Tuesday night I had lost one of my new dpn’s a record three times. Each time the likelihood of recovery decreased exponentially.

The first time I lost the needle I didn’t even know that the package had five needles so I didn’t even notice. My coworker found it on the floor of her office the day after I cast on my Olympic Knitting.

The second time I lost it was in a dark bar surrounded by 50 debauched knitters. At that point I was prepared to say good-bye like you would when you found out Your Ex-Lover is Dead(Stars – Set yourself on Fire)

The third time she went missing was on Tuesday when I went to the Naked Sheep to see if the new Sea Silk had arrived yet. I was knitting my Olympic sock on the streetcar when I passed the Self Serve Gas Station (Rheostatics – Whale Music) on Queen St. I put the sock away in my bag and the needle away in my hair. I then forgot about the needle and took my hair out of the bun to put on my toque.

Inside the warm goodness that is the Naked Sheep I totally forgot about the needle. I was so excited to formally meet Lorena and stalk Denny that the needle just slipped out of my conscious mind. Lorena gave me a line on a bakery for Valentine’s Day and an ETA on the sea silk . I told her that Any Day Will be Fine(Mojave 3 – Excuses For Travellers) if she wanted to call me to tell me it had arrived.

On my way to Zane Patisserie the idea that I Still Miss Someone(Johnny Cash – At Folsom Prison) came into my mind. I put it down to excitement about the meat fondue and risotto that my ManBoy and I were going to have for dinner. It’s our first year of being legitimate and we’re both still pretty Head Over Feet(Alanis Morrissette– Jagged Little Pill) excited to be around each other. He makes me laugh pretty hard.

The poor lost needle was gone from my mind until 4 hours later when I went to knit during The Daily Show and I realized that she had been dropped and lost AGAIN at some random point in the day. She was in some part of town sad, lonely and cold without my Olympic knitting and her siblings. I grieved her loss because…well, even I had to admit that there was no chance of recovery.

Two days later I get an email from an intermediary telling me that someone at the Naked Sheep not only found my needle BUT KNEW THAT SHE BELONGED TO ME (also that the Sea Silk was in). I was Absolutely Cuckoo (The Magnetic Travelers – 69 Love Songs Vol. I) to know that it seemed impossible to permanently lose this needle.

Considering that I didn’t even know I had it in the beginning Every time I have five needles it feels like a surprise and a completely undeserved blessing. I’ve named her Pearl and on this day I made a vow to her: I Don’t Want To Get Over You(The Magnetic Travellers – 69 Love Songs Vol. I).

Unused Random Song: The District Sleeps Alone Tonight – The Postal Service – Give Up

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Love, Texans, Frat Boys and Rush Limbaugh

When I was 17 I went to Brussels, Belgium as a Rotary Exchange Student. There I met a Texan (D) and a Mexican (Javier), together we wreaked tequila soaked havoc across the continent.

Being a sexual retard I didn't figure out that D had a crush on me until I was leaving and he brought a basket of travel goodies (Far Side Comic books, Tequila and his tongue) to the airport for me. We made a promise to hook up in the next year either in Colorado Springs where his family had a condo or at the cottage in the Muskokas.

I still had to finish high school so while I was finishing I babysat kids from 6:30am to 9:00am when I would bring the gaggle of them to school in the morning. We had agreed to meet in Colorado Springs. My mom knowing what this trip was about (getting it on) made me earn every penny to buy the ticket.

On route to Thunder Bay (Manitouwadge had no airport) I got my period. I don't think I had ever seen my mother look so happy to have a daughter. My father was sympathetic but secretly doing the happy pappy dance.

My ill fated trip had begun:

- On the small plane from Denver to Colorado Springs: I lost my contact
- Upon arrival in Colorado Springs FROM MANITOUWADGE I find my pick up to be missing. D had previously, and I thought romantically, insisted that he would be there to get me so I didn't need the address of the condo.
- I find a shit ass flea bag hotel that I can afford and has a room and rent it - BECAUSE THE AIRPORT IS CLOSING DOWN.
- I spend the night crying and calling condo companies to find the asshole.

The next morning I got my shit together and went skiing. I figured out I could buy a three day pass, pay for my motel room and change my flight home. I bump into D on the ski hill.

He takes me to the condo where I meet his friends who are frat brothers at the military college IN TEXAS. They proceed to tell me that Rush Limbaugh is god and girls who are funny are dykes. I was of course the only girl there - no other right thinking woman would have put herself there.

I didn't know who Rush Limbaugh was at the time and I couldn't understand what the attraction was to a fat ignorant asshole. I also couldn't understand why funny girl on girl action was bad in any way. D was particularly charming in his racist jokes about Mexicans which was just confusing to me because Javier and D were tighter than Limbaugh's puckered fat man ass cheeks.

The next day I found a bunch of Waterloo students to spend the rest of the week with thank god. They were great and they had the condo next door to D's so I could go party with them instead. I haven't thought about this adventure in years. This post from Red Tory made me think of it.

Rush Limbaugh is such a hate mongering little fucker.

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Calendar Girls

I've met some pretty cool people on this adventure that is the Knitting Olympics. Amy is hugging me even though I'd been sweating all night in my jersey and was pretty ripe by this point.

She looks disturbed. I heart her sarcasm.

So I had a sick day yesterday I must have caught Denny's cold - during the day I watched 8 HOURS OF OLYMPIC COVERAGE. Did you guys see the Norwegian coach give the Canadian X country skier a new pole. I love that shit man.

I had to rip out the Canada sock almost to the point I was at at the pub night. I've reknit it and am ready to move on to the heel. I'm still in the game although not bruised I feel a bit like the Chinese pairs skaters - well a little less hard core but I almost gave up there for a second.

Pictures and updates later tonight.

Monday, February 13, 2006

The inexorable march toward Adult Responsibility has begun

Topics discussed over brunch with girlfriends in early twenties:

a) Oral Sex - Giving and receiving - the benefits of both
b) Amount of tequila consumed before crane climbing is a necessary activity
c) Number of lovers had since virginity was lost (I think I lost it somewhere in Northern Ontario - let me know if you find it)
d) Virtues of horseradish in a properly made Caesar.
e) Classes offered at Good for Her including: Blow Jobs: Learn to love giving them and Stripping for your Lover...(or yourself while listening to the soundtrack of Chicago while drinkingalone@home.com)
f) My lesbionic quotient - Am I still in the game?

Topics discussed over brunch with girlfriends last weekend:

a) How to effectively consolidate your debt while saving for the future.
b) The virtues of RRSP contributions - primarily focussing on first home purchase and tax refunds
c) Scheduling sex with your monogamous partner post cohabitation - the importance of body stockings and aforementioned courses taken while in twenties.
d) The sequence of pregnancies in the next two years amongst girlfriends
e) Career planning and evolution: From the project room to the midwife program
f) Weight loss - the benefits of a weight lifting regime tempered with a regular yoga practise.
g) My lesbionic quotient - Could I still be in the game if I wanted to be?

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Happy Birthday Max!

You are so lucky to have such amazing parents and family. Also, it amazes me that you've cornered the market on cuteness - I thought my own nieces and nephews had it covered.

Be careful not to suck on the antennae - I think that they may have soaked up some of the chile oil from my fingers as I finished them after chopping the chiles for salsa...

In Olympic news, I've started knitting with my left hand! Doing this colour work reqires, nay, demands it. J watched me doing this and asked if I was trying to ensure that if I had a stroke I'd still be able to knit....that's just a fringe benefit.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

And they're off

to the races!

At 2:00 pm my teammate Linda and I cast on our Olympic knitting projects and by 3:07 pm I was here

The opening ceremony pub night came off spectacularly. I had big plans to have loot bags for everyone and place settings etc but then realized, well, I had a full time job. No one seemed to miss them:

The jersey shot - I swear Maria and I were in deep debate over the spelling of Il Duche...lol.

There were somewhere around 50 knitters at the Duke of York pub on Friday night - it BLEW MY MIND.

Speaking of blowing...Denny got herself a little BJ as well. Little known fact folks. KNITTERS ARE FILTHY DIRTY.

And this was before things got crazy! I fell in love with Erin at this moment. Seriously, Erin, call me - I'll meet you at Paupers....I swear it!

Rachel H FOUND MY DPN. That's right folks I lost a brand new 2mm needle shortly after my 3rd pint o' Guiness. I heart Rachel H.

By around midnight I started to get tired and a little burnt out so I took my little crashing ass home. You know there was a lot of planning and emailing to get this event off the ground - I always find the next day to be a bit of a bummer. But when I got home I found this from my Secret Pal!

I shall be enjoying my hot chocolate while watching the Pink Panther this afternoon. THANKS SECRET PAL!

Friday, February 10, 2006

Friday Random Ten

It's the Friday Random Ten. It's the Random Statement Edition.

I love all of these songs. I hadn't heard The White Collar Holler in years and am quite happy to have enjoyed it today.

The Olympics start today both the Torino and the Knitting -am giddy with anticipation for both events.

My Manboy picked up the Curse of the Wererabbit last night. My Saturday night has been officially booked...knitting, Grommit and listening to my friend Jeff's CDs that he lent me.. ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

Game on!

1. Busted – Johnny Cash – At Folsom Prison
2. Someone Must Get Hurt – She Wants Revenge – She Wants Revenge
3. Hate – Cat Power – The Greatest
4. The Upper Peninsula –Sufjan Stevents – Greetings From Michigan
5. Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk – Rufus Wainwright – Poses
6. The First Five Times – Stars – Set Yourself on Fire
7. You Oughta Know – Alanis Morrissette – Jagged Little Pill
8. Daydreaming – Massive Attack – Blue Lines
9. The White Collar Holler (Working in the Xerox Line) – Stan Rogers
10. Use It – The New Pornographers – Twin Cinema

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

First Day of Judgement in 2006

Click the angry unicorn to see more unbelievable knitted pieces! UNBELIEVABLE.

That's right folks, it's been awhile since I've had a good old fashioned day of judgement...so here we go on the train ride that is my rage and irritation. It's the TTC Edition.

a )Dear Man in business suit on the streetcar - Doing a logger blow of your nose on the floor of the streetcar during rush hour is the equivalent of taking a petri dish of the flu and making people lick it. If I get sick again in the next 4 days - I will find you and yes, I will break you.

b) Oh sweet small Asian grandfather I promise I will get on the streetcar and you will get a seat there is no reason to push on my lower back with all the force of someone who is trying to get on the lifeboat of the Titanic. BACK OFF.

c) Dear drunken twenty something. Just because you feel anonymous in the big city and you will likely not see anyone you know on the subway DOES NOT MEAN THAT IT IS OK TO GO MINING IN YOUR NOSE. What are you doing with the product?!?!


Please understand folks. I was a treeplanter for 3 years I've done the logger blow and the nose mining - extensively. But never in a place that thousands of people access daily. Folks, your nose is a cleansing vessel for your body, all the germs get held up there in your snot to protect your health.

DON'T LEAVE IT IN PUBLIC PLACES. We'll all be healthier for your efforts.

Thank you.

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Pillow talk or excerpts from conversations had while sleeping

Keep in mind that generally when people sleep talk they are actually having these conversations in their dreams and end up waking themselves up. Sunday night around 2:30am after finalizing the location of the Knitting Olympics Opening Ceremony.

Me: Are we still friends or have you crossed me off my list?

J (who always says the right thing): Of course, we're still friends we'll always be friends - Locked in - remember?

Me (after a minute): But are we KNITTERLY friends?

J (laughing hard): What does that even mean?

Me (waking up and realizing how insane my subconcious really is): Nothing, never mind....


Must take time out and go to the gym - clearly all this Knitting Olympic training is getting problematic. Maybe a support group for non knitting partners of olympic knitters needs to be organized.

Sunday, February 05, 2006

When good toys go bad.

Marvin and Arthur show Squarey a good time:

Squarey is made of Lamb's Pride and as such has a delicate constitution - Havana Gold Rum and Squarey do not a good time make.

I emptied the garbage after this picture was taken.

The above scenario was brought to you by J and I after a bottle of wine and a couple of beers.