Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Does *anyone* out there mollygrump?

My grandmother is the definitive overly proper matriarch of my family. It wasn't until she had her first stroke (the happy stroke) that she started to embrace the unladylike personalities of her three granddaughters and her tomboy of a daughter (my mother).

The exuberance and unbridled vocal enthusiasm that my sisters, brother and I share were nurtured tenderly into us by our mother and father. This tendancy of ours often led to our banishment from my grandparent's cottage in the Muskokas due to summersaults on the furniture and general running amok. An example can be witnessed here in a picture taken at Thanksgiving 2004 when we were 25, 30, 31 and 35 years old.

In fact, I theorize that this behaviour was brought about as the definitive form of rebellion by my mother....this is just a theory though because while it's fun to smother my grandmother with enthusiastic smooches...it's even more fun to smother my mom.

In my Mimi's properness lay a refusal to recognize bodily functions of any kind. To comment upon a Fart in her presence was to horrify her.

I don't know if mom picked up the word from my Mimi or made it up because she inherited a touch of the proper herself but if we wanted to refer to the extraordinary farts my older brother would use to express his disdain for his younger sisters in the car on a winter day...we would call them MOLLYGRUMPS.

I have never in my life heard anyone ever use the term to mollygrump instead of to fart but I feel that it is most appropriate and it actually rolls of the tongue kind of nice like. If anyone can find any information on this word let me know for I feel it is but a Hendriks'ism.

So, my friends do not ask me where this stream of consciousness came from but instead ask would you rather mollygrump in an elevator at the office? or fart.

Monday, November 28, 2005

And yes, there was poutine...

So over the weekend I partook in the definitive "Thank god I have a job so I can do this" Stitch n' Bitch. At the Rosewater Supper Club. A couple of us met at my place to try stem the necessity of spending hundreds of dollars on food.

How civil eh?

We got the call from Vivienne when we were just arriving. "Jen, where are you? The CBC are here and they want to see YOU."

Clearly Vivienne forgot that as a comedian, there is a part of me that I try and keep in the closet, this part of me cannot fathom that anyone would be anywhere that doesn't involve me. You can understand why I try and keep this in the closet - how obnoxious. After I raced in I found them in the couchy area

She was sitting with Elizabeth and Erin who had recently gotten this done. She had brought a ball of Noro in to the tattoo artist to use as an example. She is a rocker.

So we run in and lo and behold a camera crew is there getting footage of knitting and martinis. My kind of crowd. By the time the last of the knitters arrived we had a nice crowd of between 10 and 15 snazzed up women. It was so luxurious.

The entire night centered around cheese, wine, cosmos, poutine (that's right - they have POUTINE AT THE ROSEWATER SUPPER CLUB), and knitting projects that we could stitch while blind.

I clearly forgot this and spent my first two martinis ripping back the damned scarf that had reversible cables seen here from another time with Jill's Jaywalker Sock and Kelly's sock. I'm not sure what I was thinking bringing a reversible cable scarf that involved ribbing to an event INVOLVING VODKA AND CHEESE. Me thinks I overestimated myself.

The definitive moment of the night was when the maitre d', who had been interested in us all night, finally asked Elizabeth if he could knit a row or two. Oh Julius you delighful wine fascist and romantic - thank you for the wine for Elizabeth (because she's so incredibly charming) and the scotch for me (because I'm a sucker for pimping out my friends).

I'm sorry that I got my left and right sides mixed up when you asked for the girl's name on the RIGHT side of me. But you should understand my mind was still whirling from the divinity that is Rosewater Poutine.

Isn't he a cutie? The following are some moments that were captured in between me sipping vodka and me ripping back more of my scarf. You'll see the two Elizabeths in this picture one in the back and one sipping the wine. Elizabeth in the back was found close to coma 5 minutes prior and was revived STAT with some cheese - I would post the picture but I fear she would hunt me down.

Now in this giggling picture you'll see what seems to be almost an ENTIRE MITTEN that was knit at this event. My friend Amy (I may add also the genius that brought the Rosewater Poutine to our table) casted on and almost finished her mitten. I've tried to show what she accomplished in the 4 hours we spent here.

By the end of the night we had almost closed the bar (satisfying) and I was still ready for some more fun so I headed home to my Man Boy and enjoyed a sip of one of these before falling asleep. This is what I woke up to. Oh the judgment! But aren't we glad that he thought to SAVE THE BEER WITH A WINE BOTTLE STOPPER.

Now a favour to all knitters from this event who may read this post. We were picking out the different quotes from the night that I would use in mysensitivegirlhole. Does anyone remember them? I look at you Elizabeth K....what was that line? It's driving me crazy

Friday, November 25, 2005

Friday Random Ten

The Freedom 35, Dare to Dream Edition

1. Fiery Furnaces: Though Let's Be Fair
2. No Doubt: You Can Do It
3. Alanis Morissette: Right Through You
4. Spacehog: Almond Kisses
5. Stars: What I'm Trying To Say
6. Missy Elliott: Slap! Slap! Slap!
7. Johnny Cash: Folsom Prison Blues
8. Bruce Springsteen: Across the Border
9. Great Lake Swimmers: I Saw You In The Wild
10. Emmylou Harris: Every Grain Of Sand

The picture is to document what happens when you drink too many $15.00 martini's at the Hyatt Regency Rooftop Lounge with your boss and executive members of the office. Let the dooceing begin.

Yarn Fetishists UNITE!!!

I am a chronically busy person. It's a neurotic genetic flaw found somewhere deep in my ancestry that I feel like I must be busy and productive for as much of the time that I'm awake as possible. That way if I get hit by a bus I won't leave my earthly body thinking "DANG! I SHOULD HAVE LEARNED HOW TO KNIT" or something along those lines

This means that I'm part of charity boards, I knit (TTC productivity has skyrocketed since I learned how to knit socks), I do comedy (am on hiatus right now) and I volunteer. It has taken my PIC almost the entirety of our relationship to adjust to it.

He often will look at me in a quiet moment with awe in his voice will say "Wow, it's really busy in your head isn't it." To which I reply "You have *no* idea."

The problem with this...um, tick is that every once in awhile an event comes through the pipes that I would kill to take part in but I just can't seem to get there because I schedule weekly engagements.

Wednesday night Stitch 'n Bitching at Lettuce Knit was once this impossible for me to get to. I say once because I went after my standing date at Weight Watchers for the first time this week and I will continue to do this as often as possible. The knitters witnessed here are all so talented it makes the gerbil running in my brain take pause and enjoy the moment. Yes, it was that good.

I met the Yarn Harlot, Juno, Fey, Lady Marmalade and saw knitters from the TTC Knit event and met new knitters. Oh dear the laughing and the rude rude subjects of conversation.

It came out that my doctor prescribed Ativan to me for smoking withdrawal symptoms. There is no season like Christmas to make knitters really interested in the possibility of tranquilizers. Don't believe me? Call this number 1-877-SOS-KNIT.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Happy Thanksgiving Neighbors to the South!

To celebrate: Haikus!!
(found via the The Other Dark Meat)
White man invades us,
Steals our land and livelihood!
Enjoy pie, asswipes.

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Rodent evolution

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
-Lily Tomlin

With this in mind I will leave the office before 9:00 pm and I will go knitting at Lettuce Knit. I have brought both the digital camera AND the memory card so I WILL be posting pictures on my girl hole.

I am a rat no more freedom calls.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

My kidneys need a hug

I've missed a project deadline by 2 days, spent 14 hours here yesterday and worked from home most of the weekend.

My pee smells like coffee.

Beyond work I've been knitting secret knitting will post pictures tonight because as god (lowercase g) as my witness I WILL NOT BE GETTING FISTED BY MY JOB TONIGHT.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Conversation topics recently covered while knitting with and without alcohol

Warning: The following subjects weren't *always* introduced by myself and are almost entirely sex related. They were all discussed in the past 24 hours while knitting in various locations.

1. The feasibility of open relationships and the statistical likelihood of good emotionally unattached sex.

2. Porking in the shower with broken foot: challenging AND satisfying - leading to the image of having one's broken foot hoisted above one's head for enjoyment.

3. Top vs. Bottom - with demonstrations of favorite maneuvers. Leading to a detailed discussion of:

4. The benefits of sleeping with tall men: fortitude, durability, monkey bar similarity

5. The recommendation of smoking marijuana in order to quell elevator phobia thus making the office Christmas party that much less painful - in a number of ways.

6. The necessity of a good sturdy bra for marathon dancing binges.

The face of knitting has changed forever.

Friday Random Ten

In honour of taking it up the rump at work I present you: The Getting the Fuck out of Dodge Edition

1. The Arcade Fire: Rebellion (Lies)
2. Me'Shell Ndegeocello: I'm diggin' You (Like An Old Soul Record)
3. Bruce Springsteen: Youngstown
4. Bruce Springsteen: Highway 29
5. Taj Mahal: Freight Train
6. Pixies: Vamos
7. Coldplay: Don't Panic
8. Massive Attack: Five Man Army
9. Kathleen Edwards: Pink Emerson Radio
10. Colin Hay: I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You

I prefer geek lemming thank you..

Because sheep are f'ing cute. Shocking to those who *still* don't know what I get paid to do.

Which flock do you follow?

this quiz was made by alanna

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Bringing peace to the weary

This week has sucked my big white honky ass (sorry dad). Work has been gruelling and all consuming. When I haven't been at work I've been trying to maintain a semblance of balance by doing yoga (poorly I might add) and knitting. I've been out of sorts and even more worrisome I've been out of humour all week.

The only event this week that I refused to let work impact was the Downtown Knit Collective meeting last night where Sally Melville was doing a lecture on creativity and where ideas come from to promote her new book. Besides the fact that she is an unbelievable artist, a lot of her subject matter referenced the creative and the evolution of design from concept to finished product. Specifically the relationship of the right brain (artsy fartsy) to the left brain (judgy mathy). This process applies to writing comedy as much as to design.

I walked into the room 5 minutes late to 350 people sitting in a lecture hall knitting - I found my colleague, the Knitting Accountant, with a seat saved for me. She was sitting behind Joyce (my titknitting friend who KIPs), the formidable Amy Singer and Emma. A wave of relief washed over me as I took a seat and pulled out my knitting. My throat loosened and my neck stopped hurting.

As Sally went on she talked about how left brainers and right brainers react to their worlds I started to realize that one of the reasons I've been so uncomfortable, dissatisfied, antsy and irritated this week is that my whole day is consumed with doing the code and programming for our annual membership billing.

I HATE MATH AND I HATE WRITING IN LOGIC never mind doing it on a tighter and tighter deadline. It actually hurts my forehead, makes my skin itch and my throat tight. Dear god I can't wait until Saturday morning.

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

I love technology

How fun is this! I'd love to know where all y'all is at.

Drop me a wave and say hi!

Check out our Frappr!

Monday, November 14, 2005

Living the Toronto Dream

What a crazy busy fun weekend. Crazy.

It started with going to see the Wet Spots on Friday night at the Gladstone Hotel with PIC and a couple of friends. God, that place is putting the ass right back in class last time I got slammed there people were butting out their cigarettes on the pool table.

Speaking of ass, it delights me to no end to be writing about "Wet Spots" on My Sensitive Girl Hole for the first time this year. If you ever get a chance to check them out do it. They've got great songs all about asses.

Saturday morning we woke up late and hungover and went to see Jane Eyre as put on by my cousin's George Brown Theatre class - cool theatre, long play in a hot space. All in all a talented group of folk. My parents came over for delicious Thai and then my sister and I headed over to the Bad Dog Theatre to see a Twisted Christmas Carol.

Seriously kids, for $12.00 you get to see some of the TDot's best comedians spin comedy gold for you...it's good clean family fun that you can follow up with some delicious Guiness at the Dora Keogh. You can't afford NOT to see it this season.

Sunday I enjoyed Dim Sum at the Dragon city restaurant at Spadina and Dundas with my posse Aviva, Nelson and Charlotte. We got some home roasted coffee in Kensington coincidentally right beside Lettuce Knit where some Lorna's Lace slipped into my bag. WTF?! How did THAT get in there.

The capper was 4 hours spent playing in a poker tournament. didn't think I would make it that long what with my complete inability to keep good news to myself (see Pocket Rockets) It was good times that raised a grand for my theatre of choice.

Sunday night was spent watching the Penn and Teller special with my PIC and chilling out. This week is going to kick my ass at the Veal Processing Plant (aka my office) so I needed to prepare with some down time.

Friday, November 11, 2005

More sticky web fun!

Get your tshirt now at:

Thanks Amy for the heads up on everything I've missed out since I got deflowered gently, in a canoe, from behind....6 times...under the full muskoka moon. If only I was a virgin when I met my PIC he wouldn't be in fake love with me - it would be "real"

The Iron Hymen is parodying this spectacular movement originating in the States Silver Ring Thing recently it lost it's federal funding.

Word on the street is that if you're a christian american girl practising "abstinence" in the America you're more likely to practise anal sex(not 'real' sex) and oral sex as well which I'm all for but DO IT WITH A CONDOM.

Your future husband will appreciate a Chlapless fiance more than a virginal one...

Friday Random Ten

The Gemini Edition

1. Stars: Celebration Guns
2. Propellerheads: You Want It Back
3. Massive Attack: Be Thankful for What You Got
4. Morcheeba: Love Is Rare
5. Chris Thomas King: Hard Time Killing Floor Blues
6. Morcheeba: In The Hands of The Gods
7. Stars: Your Ex Lover Is Dead
8. Tracy Bonham: All Thumbs
9. Lauryn Hill: Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You
10. The Fiery Furnaces: A Candymaker's Knife In My Handbag

Thursday, November 10, 2005

I will say this

This past week has been a dry hump of writing material about myself the week has just been flying by and I feel very disconnected from all of it - bored if you will. So instead I shall pontificate upon the lives of others!

- I made tzatziki with So Good Soy Yogurt and it tastes exactly like the yogurt would with all the garlic I put in it. Jesus it's going to stick for days - the PIC is feeling safe from vampyres.

- A close close friend of mine (you know who you are) hung out with someone that has transformed her outlook. I don't care if it's romantic, friendship, a nemesis or a passerby that does this to someone - we all need our outlook tweaked every couple years. I love that she's not scared shitless by this event. Having said that - these moments scare the pants off of me.

- I've seen a link to this blog all over the place but I actually read through it today and am now addicted. There are pictures of her recent cancer treatments (warning: explicit pictures) makes my knuckles hurt and my heart ache. My inner ignoramus prefers the breast exam pictures but it made me do a *great* self exam this month. Holy fuck - that is educmacation. The fact that she is posting fucking good shit about the patriarchy while fighting it knocks my panties off.

- And because winter, she comes slowly here in Toronto, a picture from my wasted youth in a place that had 4 feet of the white stuff by Halloween. I kind of miss it. Man that sun glare of the snow could blind you for the season.

Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

October Knittage

My favourite October knit is this messenger bag from Knitty for my ecofriendly sister. It's made out of 100% recycled Silk Sari material. The colours are spectacular.

The yarn itself wasn't super fun to knit with as it was spun with hay so it's quite rough on the hands but beautiful

I also finished a tank top sweater from Rowan. Meh it's alright - warm and cuddly for sure but I'm not super happy with the give of the yarn...smaller needles perhaps.

Monday, November 07, 2005

The Ring Two or Natural Born Loser

I lose stuff. If it can come off of my body, chances are I will lose it before it wears out or I outgrow it. To give you a good idea of how much of a loser I am - I've lost countless pairs of glasses in the lake at our cottage simply because when I'm excited about swimming I forget I'm wearing them and take wild flying leaps into the cool cool water - no pair of glasses could be secured to my face enough to withstand the force of my enthusiasm.

To thine self be true so when I got engaged the only way for the PIC to get me to accept a ring was to have it insured prior to me wearing it for any length of time.

4 days after I got married my ring fell victim to McKaskill Lake in Algonquin Park right here:

I will say this: nothing ruins a honeymoon toke like losing the symbol of eternal love and faithfulness in 15 feet of cold Northern Ontario water at sunset.

What a bummer - but as previously indicated, I am a loser so I develop an understanding with my belongings (particularly jewelery) I try not to get too attached. History has shown that our relationship (mine and jewelery) is but fleeting.

Anyway, when we got back to the city we called our insurance agent who proceeded to tell us that the ring was worth less than half what we paid for it originally and our jeweller had marked it up because her store was in Yorkville. THEN WHY WERE WE PAYING PREMIUMS ON THE ORIGINAL VALUE. I told her that it wasn't marked up - we designed it and it's made with Canadian material which is more expensive (but there is way less blood on our hands)

4 months later I finally got a third party quote from Birk's who valued the ring at $200 MORE than what we paid. I emailed the quote to the adjuster and I kid you not - within 48hrs we had a check. I'm wearing the ring right now and I still love it but the whole experience has left me with a crappy taste in my mouth.

What the fuck do these people get paid to do?!?! It irks me to think that we could have been ripped off over $1000.00 if we hadn't fought back AND WE PAY THEM MONTHLY FOR THE PRIVILEGE.

Anyone have recommendations on a good insurer because we're switching before I lose this bad boy again...

Saturday, November 05, 2005

TTC Knit A Long - The Remix

I think some folks are linking to mysensitivegirlhole from the ttc knit a long blog so I wanted to make sure folks could see some of the pics from the last knit a long - You guys would be fools to miss the Stitch in the City knit a long at the Rosewater!

Here's the last yarn fest

Friday, November 04, 2005

Martinis and Scotch and Burgers Oh My!!!

So last night I met up with the Urban Sherpa to scout out locations for the next KIP event - I can't give you too many details but I can tell you that the "girls" are coming out, "martini's" will be drunk and Single Malt 18 yr old scotch "is" available. (No jail bait scotch allowed).

It would seem that I wasn't the only one imbibing too much high end deliciousness last night - Ashlee Simpson that lyp sinching hack got all hammered up and went looking for a filet o' fish.

What makes me pretty happy about this, primarily because I'm music snob, is that a bunch of Ryerson students put together a whole campaign to welcome The Simp to our fair city (via Torontoist) and apparently her surliness was due to her feelings being hurt earlier that day.

I can't wait until she gets pregnant a la Britney - just to give us a deserved time out.

Friday...new ways to avoid the work

It's a new feature: The Friday Random Ten

This is the Hunt for Mediocrity edition
  1. The Arcade Fire: Haiti
  2. Death Cab for Cutie: I Will Follow You Into the Dark
  3. The Strokes: Take It or Leave It
  4. Morcheeba: Be Yourself
  5. Zero 7: In The Waiting Line
  6. Great Lake Swimmers: Song for The Angels
  7. Death Cab for Cutie: What Sarah Said
  8. Tracy Bonham: All Thumbs
  9. Johnny Cash: Dirty Old Egg Suckin' Dog
  10. Cary Brothers: Blue Eyes

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Psychological thriller in the office..

I just got this email from my HR Director to the entire office. I love this woman she is a power house but clearly someone has found her flaw:

Would whoever continues to tilt the pictures in the
boardroom please refrain from doing so. Thanks

Human Resources

I can just see someone in the office so filled with inane rage that this is their outlet. Or they're trying to drive the HR Director insane. Either way, I giggle.