Monday, October 31, 2005

Halloween, oh how I judge thee.

There is confusion somewhere about Halloween rules:

1. Hey lady: when you look like you could be lactating as you say trick or treat...you are too old to be saying it.

2. Hey Mom Lady: Your job is to take your two adorable toddlers trick or treating. When you popped them out you lost the right to carry your own treat bag

3. Hey Kid: When you talk about how fast your five o'clock shadow grows and where to buy good dope on my street, you're too old AND YOU SHOULD BE SHARING.

On the up note: My day was going great when I found out that the Colbert Report was coming to Canada but when I saw what was in the mail it just got better! I gots me a fussy shirt!! I love my treble chin in this picture.


It's like Channukah and Christmas all at once!!

Oh happy happy day! Want to know why? click the hot hot brain below


Sunday, October 30, 2005

I promise I'll bring the book back.

There is something inherently comforting to know that the public library system can still exist. With all the news of lying presidents, looting citizenry and general gun violence in the TDot - the fact that someone will let me (one of the least reliable and most disorganized people I know) take a book, dvd or cd for free for a week on the understanding that I will eventually return it.

Well it gives me hope. As long as we as a society have this understanding...it means that the majority of us are still morally and karmically...holding on.

I joined the Secret Pal movement on it's SIXTH round...just because the whole idea of some stranger out there in the world sending me something specific to my hobby just because they said that they would...is really cool. The notion that the only connection that this person has to me is through this blog is even neater - a modernized take on pen pals.

Last week through the haze of project deadlines, self judgement and a severe chest infection I got this in the mail:


1. SOCK YARN! I don't know how she/he knew but I was down to my last two balls of it.

2. A beeyoutiful jewelry case that my new wedding ring will be safely ensconced in (more on that when I can talk about the insurance company without going rabid)

3. Jeweled stitchmarkers for which I have been lusting after for months...ooooo am so spoiled

4. Extremely cool cards with knit related pictures on the front of them.

THANK YOU STRANGER FROM THE HOT LAND!!



Saturday, October 29, 2005

Jumping the shark in the blog world

Click the picture of my cat to read the article. In my defense this is actually photographic evidence that the laws of gravity do not apply to my cat. Pics are thanks to the Magnificent P.I.C.


Seriously - did he climb up the PIC's clothes to get up there?? It's at least 4 feet above my head!

Friday, October 28, 2005

FREEEEEEEEEDOM!!

Man. My office decided to show me what it's like to be in the joint this week. Holy Fuck - if I have to spend another SIXTY MINUTES talking about how a piece of paper will get to the mail room to accounting to administration i'm going to poke my own eyes out.

Or the difference between "your fees are used to.." and "Your fees are used to..."

Gah!

Am on my way up to the cottage to take the water out of the pipes. One of my favourite jobs as it makes me feel tough and useful. Nothing says "I'm a strong independant woman" like knowing how to prevent cracks in your pipes.

That's right I said it.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Shaking loose the phlegm

As the PIC spends an hour patting me gently on the back to loosen the phlegm in my chest while I watch CSI.

I ask myself - why is it that Bridget Jones or the Sex in the City Girls never once referenced phlegm loosening as a reason to be in a relationship?

If you ask me it's *the* reason to go monogamous.

I have almost 3 knitting projects finished and all fleece spun due to three days of feverish hacking.

Friday, October 21, 2005

A question of perspective

Does listening to an audiobook of Me Talk Pretty One Day constitute reading on the can?

If so, then I'm guilty as charged.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Insanity is now locked and loaded

Last night I joined the Downtown Knit Collective it was a decision that was a long time in the making. Finally the coolness of the women in the ttc knit a long, other knitting bloggers - you know who you are and the fact that Stephanie Pearl-McPhee was speaking pushed me to the Guild. I had no choice.

Now the Yarn Harlot, besides being a spectacular knitter is an extremely talented comedic writer - she finds the comedy in her own life and obsessions and then manages to translate it into something that close to 400 other people find hilarious. A rare talent when combined with an unfettered obsession with fibre.

Mind you, her entire audience was knitting furiously throughout her talk. Something I'd never been in the midst of before - so many knitters. A gaggle? Anyway, I fell in love. Behind me there was a lawyer, a Ph.D student and a coknitter of tits. My obsession grew and felt less freakish to be honest.

After I got home I enjoyed a glass of wine, the Colbert report online and the PIC and I went to bed. I dreamt about spinning all night long for absolutely NO FUCKING REASON. It wasn't a spinners guild (although they meet in Riverdale park less than 5 blocks away from me) IT WAS THE IDEA GIVEN TO ME BY THE KNITTERS.

I was using a drop spindle, something I had never seen before never mind used. I woke up at 4:33 am it was so exciting!!! The idea of making something from a stinky pile of animal fibre! Be still my beating heart. In my dream I couldn't wait to show my knitterly Ma in Law. So I felt justified in waking her son up...under the guise that I was worried he was sleeping on his back...he didn't buy it.

The idea of not sleeping well again tonight wasn't an option (mostly for my PIC) and since I had to go to Lettuce Knit for Christmas related goodies anyway...I picked up a spindle and some roving. If I do it I won't dream about it right? It can't be as exciting as it was in my dream...clearly I just needed to try it and get it out of my system.

Megan (the staff star not the owner) was a superstar and gave me a quick birds eye view of the process. I have to say she was extremely patient and not insulted at all that I WAS DUMB AS A POST about how this worked...I had no idea of the process...

Debbie if you read this post look what I did tonight! EEEE. Uneven for sure but check out the colours (which I had nothing to do with) I can't wait to knit ANYTHING with it...

This is what it looked like before....GACK! It still makes me excited!


A moment of complete sympathy for the PIC who has been listening to me go on for well 2 hours about how cool it is that we can do this TO ANOTHER MAMMALS FUR. He's getting worried about his own hair right now. Sigh, maybe the wine will help with the sleep.

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Random inspiration..

I met Beryl when I did the TTC Knit a Long. She spent the day knitting tits. Anyone who knows me knows that my favourite feature is my boobs. I love them and the fact that this woman has made a recipe to knit them blew my tiny little mind.

She had a fantastic way of making knitting anything but the frumpy hobby it has the reputation to be. All this to say, I love that a random article in the Torontoist got me to the Knit a Long and onto her team of knitters.

There was an article in the Globe this weekend about her business which inspired this post. I was supposed to go to the party on Tuesday but some aspect of life got in my way. Congratulations Beryl!!

I can't wait to grope one of these girls.

Monday, October 17, 2005

My week in Review

First things first - if any of you friendly lovely laughter loving community oriented readers is looking for volunteer hours or just to get to know some faces around the Toronto theatre and comedy community you'll notice a link to the mailing list on my sidebar. I volunteer at the Bad Dog Theatre and we are trying to grow a volunteer community so if you're looking for discounted workshops, free shows or hot comedians - sign up!!

Now to the regularly scheduled programming.

I finished a knitting project! WooTT! Clapotis, 5 skeins of Koigu KPPPM, two months - mostly I love that this picture almost makes me look tall because my PIC took it from high above me...or well, his eye level. Remind me to go fake and bake before I get much more pallid ok?

I met some yarn whores at ye old Knit Cafe and proceeded to consume beers at the Gladstone with the finest of Karaoke - the out of focusedness is due to beer and karaoke...

I worked a tradeshow to promote the Bad Dog Theatre's corporate program where I met and proceeded to flirt with the tabasco - I love that stuff.

I swear to god I would've if *he* could've....

I would have been a *great* teenage boy.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Happy Birthday Carolyn!

These are some of the things that pop into my small head about my best friend Carolyn:

1. Carolyn is a Libra and provides enough balance and perspective to her friends that it often will keep the peace that the Geminis she collects would destroy otherwise.

2. Carolyn just turned 30 and has lived and/or visited more countries then most people in her generation can ever hope to.

3. She had a love of outdoor adventure, music, books and extra curricular activity that inspires those around her to get more involved.

4. She is the fourth daughter in my family. So much a member that we will even have earth shattering fights and awkward family moments around her (much to my chagrin at the time) and she will still come by to say hi to the 'rentals.

5. Carolyn can relive her twenties with the same gusto, comedy and gonginess that she lived them the first time around.

6. As a kick ass lawyer it brings me comfort knowing that if I ever inadvertantly break another law - she can give me good advice and maybe..."get me off". Those words mean something oh so very different in our thirties. YAY CAROLYN!

7. So versatile is Carolyn that she has built a loyal fanbase in a number of different communities from the Cops in Etobicoke, to the ladies of the queer and formerly queer communities. You're insane if you don't fall in love with Carolyn.

8. Carolyn was my roommate in university for 3 years and had a couch for me to surf on during the 3 month depression when I moved to Halifax. She can give the most gentle tough love I've ever seen.

9. She has a great poker face but keeps asking about the betting so you can always tell when she's got a smokin' hand.

10. The laws of physics are different for Carolyn. She will spill any liquid but there is a proven correlation between the ease with which she will spill a liquid and how stainy it is or whether or not she is wearing white. Yet this correlation will not hold if she is balancing a cup of steaming hot coffee or glass of red wine on her knee while sitting on the couch watching TV. It still boggles my mind.



Friday, October 14, 2005

How to make me go postal.

Come to me at 4:55pm and tell me that your basic Microsoft Word mail merge of 155 records needs to be in the mail the next morning - AND THAT IT'S MY JOB to do it.

Then email me the next day about how you didn't appreciate me giving you attitude.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Pillow Talk

Before going to bed the PIC and I found a news bit and small video clip of the new Belgian Unicef War Baby campaign (prevention not creation). It's pretty heavy handed. Click on the picture to see the video


I think it should be especially right now with the US fucking around in other borders for bullshit reasons. Having said that we watched the video at midnight when we were already being silly due to being tired. Leading to the debate over hot dirty Smurph euphemisms before falling asleep.

- Smurph me you hot piece of Smurph meat
- Smurph it in me!
- I love smurphing you.

Romance is twisting childhood cartoons.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Noam Chomski threw up a bit in his mouth

It would seem that my Manboy has directed a number of his close friends to mysensitivegirlhole (how long have I been dying to say THAT!!) to see the pictures from our wedding.

I recently got an email from one of my Manboy's best friends in the world. She had just read mysensitivegirlhole in it's entirety... he he he it still makes me giggle. She emailed me some thoughts and comments afterwards. THANKS SO SO MUCH CINDY!!!

This made me pee my pants a little bit, in part because I don't remember writing this post and in part because her father is involved.

Thus opens the door to modern linguistic evolution.

I enjoyed your entry about the word cunt. I myself have only used the word when I've been really pissed off because my mouth just somehow can't form the word. (it has the harshness of nails on a chalkboard or chalk on myhands for me)

My dad on the other had firmly believes that any sentence can be ended with the word. ( he also calls people who irritate him "cows vagina's" vagina being pronounced vag- in- a) My brother and dad can get ona lovely roll of ending every sentence with "ya cunt n'thing" It warms the heart.
My brother knows of my hesitancy to say the word so has told me of the wonderful "C-U-Next-Tuesday" as and interesting alternative
I am particularly jealous that her family facilitates foul language while I've been asked gently and unsuccessfully (sorry Dad) to keep my love of the cuss so far in the closet I lost it in Narnia (thanks for the line Will!)

I only hope that Cindy you pass the joy of inappropriate language at inappropriate times continuing along with this angel - tell Sean that this is a spectacular picture. Your daughter is absolutely going to drive you and Sean bonkers in 15 more years...

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

I've been quoted!

So if you happened to pick up the National Post this weekend - you would have seen a picture of a horde of knitters on the Queen streetcar knitting up a storm.

I never in a million years thought I would have gotten my first pic in the National Post due to knitting.

There is some blog housekeeping that needs to be done tonight - stay tuned for details around my first online encounter, the first monthly Harlot's Hold 'em tournament, hacky blog writing mistake I made and Turkey Fest 2005!

oooo SUSPENSE!

Friday, October 07, 2005

The foody view of Thanksgiving

Some back story to Thanksgiving with my clan - we always go up to the cottage to enjoy the leaves and the fresh air and food. Food plays an obscene role in the level of our enjoyment of the weekend.
Also, it's a holiday where the frenetic constant activity of the summer slows down to an slow meditative cigar smoking, scotch drinking session on the dock at sunset wrapped in blankets and sweaters.


Traditionally one of the daughters (me, Charlotte or Liz) have brought up new boyfriends to introduce them to our famdamily. Last year it was Pat's turn and two years ago it was Jason's.

These are my sisters and my brother "playing" better than we did when we were 11. I could be wrong, but I *believe* that Charlotte and Liz are pinning me down so that Dan could cover my mouth and blow in my nose - it's a patented Hendriks torture move that is SO FUCKING GROSS and funny. My revenge is this picture of Charlotte in A HAND KNIT PHENTEX TAM. I'm laughing out loud. right. now.


Thanksgiving is my favourite long weekend celebration. This email thread involving my siblings and our significant others explains why:

Email cc's: Myself, Charlotte, Liz, Pat (bfriend of Liz) and Dan

Me (To sisters and PIC): i'm going to st. lawrence on friday to pick up the bird etc. if you send me your list too i can pick up all the groceries and we can split everything 5 ways (it really is cheaper that way and we won't buy duplicates)

Liz: Have you let Dad know that you're buying the bird and such? I thought he kind of liked to do the meal? Can we try bqing it? Can we stuff it with the dried fruit again?
I'm already at school but will email you my groccery list tonight. I'm actually going to make one of the desserts here and bring with.

Charlotte: I think jens bought the bird for a while now. i thought we were going to try it on a spit? LOVED the dried fruit.

Jen: we got a new spit too!! can't wait...i have a new stuffing recipe that involves nuts, fruit and honey! sounds like cereal

Dan: Hold the group hug here! Are we confirmed on the Big Bird already? How about the deer I hit this morning? Hmmmm, hunting with trucks, more expensive but less walking.
Give it some thought. I've had at least a dozen people here in North Bay ask what I plan to do with the thing. Thanks D

Jason (aka PIC): If you are serious (I hadn't heard about the deer) it takes a good week for a butcher to properly treat the meat with spices and butcher it into steaks and chops. make sure they make some pepperettes too! So tasty!
Be sure to tell the insurance the deer hit you, not you hit the deer. It will save you on insurance.

Dude, your father would be proud.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Welcome baby Browning!

We finally met Sean and Kim's beautiful new baby Amelia. What happens when you mix baby making with a life of comedy?

Comedy bronze.
She is so very unimpressed with our shtick.
The picture is thanks to Gord.

Some other slices of life in the past few days:

CAUGHT!

Jamming at the grape and wine festival in St. Kit's - nothing says wine like a Didgeridoo (?)

Sweet sweet Will - that last shot did my intestines *no* good. How can Tequila be so so good and yet so so bad?

A man and his kitty. Every once in awhile I'll just look over and my heart just aches with joy that he is in my life.

Sunday, October 02, 2005

I am weak...but satisfied

Message to the outside world: Call me. I've been taken hostage by my lack of self control and am tangled at home because I can't afford the TTC now.

As I'm sure most of you have guessed - I took part in the Knit in Public Knit-a-Long on Saturday. It was my first experience yarn shopping with other very very talented knitters and hilarious women. I've never had a more...enabled yarn gorging session. Lady Marmalade was smart for not risking her next fiscal quarter on this event. Seriously, I've never been yarn shopping with another knitter...so much better.

Sweet Jesus I laughed, I spent, I laughed some more, then enjoyed deep fried goodness out in the east end. while laughing. hard.

The bon mots were in full force. Here are some pictures along with some of the one liners that still make me pee my pants....just a little.

I was part of the west end ladies. Berryl is in the beautiful shrug - she knits the most perfect tit prosthetics and she's brilliant. I'll be getting that recipe as soon as possible. Berryl is flanked by Isobel, Liz, and Sue - I can't remember the beautiful woman's name to the right but she is the coolest Big Sister I've ever met.

Bon Mot: Isobel (Demonstrating her nerd factor in reference to Klingon's) : "Oh Wharfie." Honestly, I can die happy now that I've heard someone using a pet name for a klingon.

Rabid Knitters: When the first skein of mohair is fondled then purchased - the seal is broken and a free for all. Kind of like blood in shark infested water.

I came out bruised by not destroyed neither by the yarn porn nor the bombing chestnuts and we still had to go to the Naked Sheep!

Three skeins of Koigu and this book is magnificent. I'm going to drive myself insane with a couple of these projects including the Color on Color scarf involving 47 different colours it's beautiful. A bonus is that Vivienne, one of the organizers actually said that if I did the scarf and survived she'd buy me a bottle of scotch - seriously even the I cords involve 4 different colors.

These chestnuts are just a sample of the 18 000 bombs that dropped on a group of hard core yarn sluts.The knitting in public (KIP) began in earnest.

Amy is in the back of the picture in the black outfit has the best laugh I've ever heard. I've heard a lot of them too. I'm laughing right now just thinking about her laughing...oh my god. such laughing

To think that most people think STROLLERS on the ttc are obnoxious...imagine 30 loud cracked out yarn junkies after two yarn stores on the way to the third.

Knitter's in the east end know exactly where I was based on the most perfect crotch sniffing yarn puppy ever - if ever there was a good sheep it would be the Naked Sheep. Meet Charlie - I'm still waiting for him to call me after I invested so highly in his owners Noro Kucheyon...a shiver runs up my spine thinking about my skeins. I won't say how many just know that it's obscene - actually the white bag under Charlie's right ear contains the obscenity.

Lorena has tester basics set up where Liz of Lingua Franca fame enjoyed the king kong needles. After the king fix of the day we went for drinks and deep fry up the street. An inventory was done (there were six of us).

How ironic that 20 minutes after this picture was taken we had to move inside because we were cold. That there purple deliciousness close to the camera is a thrummed mitten kit from Fleece Artist - say that 10 times in the middle of a pint and I'll buy you one...actually I won't. I'll ride you're coattails and buy me one.

This is what my PIC saw when he got home from his show at the Bad Dog

Inventory of the day:

Romni Wool: 10 balls of Zara mohair, 1 ball of Regia 4 ply sock yarn (it's orange and yellow - you can't tell me I shouldn't have - this stuff is going to get me through the Canadian winter)

Lettuce Knit: 3 skeins of pink Koigu (you can see it peaking out in the bottom basket), Scarf Style recipe book - so bad and yet sooooooo good.

Naked Sheep: 10 balls of Noro Kucheyon (woops. I actually have NO recollection of this purchase. Seriously there must have been something in the champagne that we had.)

Hold me.

Tighter.

ps: I have to apologize to all of the women I fell in love with on this journey - If I've gotten your names wrong it's because had an accident. I got run over by this (I don't know her name either):