Thursday, August 18, 2005

Day of Banal Judgement

Every once in awhile I find myself casting judgement on random people both acquaintances and strangers for the most inane reasons. I understand that I will often unwittingly insult people, get in there way, laugh or talk too loud, show up late for coffee, leave dirty dishes in the sink and forget to flush the toilet. Hell, I often will *try* and irritate people which makes these random days o' judgement even more hypocritical.

I suspect that my days of judgement occur when I'm ovulating. The fact I'm my harshest when I'm most fertile, of course lends some weight to the theory that, yes, although I will fight it - I will be chock full of tough love. Poor zygote.

But still I judge and today is that day OF BANAL JUDGEMENT:

- To delightful coworker who I normally enjoy. When I have two training sessions to run from 10:00am to noon. Why would you book a full hour long meeting from 9:00am to 10:00am? Do you not, after 5 years, understand that mornings are not magic for me? That I have to prepare for 2. Solid. Hours. of training people who hate new software? If you do insist on booking a morning meeting that early then please don't feel it necessary to comment on my morning ass face.

- Hey old lady who doesn't have a day job - why why why are you using a valuable lane in the pool during lunch hour. Would it be so inconvenient for you to go at 6:00am 2 hours after you wake up?

- Hey former coworker from SEVEN YEARS AGO. Ignore me in the changing room. I don't remember your name - I was drunk every day I worked in that office. Even more worrisome I don't know why you remember my name I don't think you said "Hi" once when we worked in the same building.

- Hello Knitter friendly commuter on the bus while I do love talking about the knit and I am so glad you've been knitting socks for 35 years and I really do admire your holeless heel sock. But no, I'm not interested in learning a new way to hold my needles in a new way that will be faster to knit with. If we were at a stitch and bitch and you had brushed your teeth then we could talk besides unless someone asks for advice then they don't want it.

- Hey coworker, your writing is hideous leaving me a note is less comprehensible than sign language to me and for fuck's sake if you want me to do something for you sign the note...actually, print your name.

- To Gap Management: When you have to give away free shit to get people not to buy BUT JUST TO TRY ON JEANS. You've become the retail equivalent of Kellog's and at least I got a cool step counter in my Special K.

- To Loblaws: Please tell me how it is possible that shipping root vegetables (carrots, turnips and potatoes) from the USA is cost efficient for you or for me? I can understand Avocados and Mangos - but carrots?

3 comments:

aviva said...

not to laugh at your pain, but reading your blog makes me giggle like a schoolgirl each time...

Jen said...

Sweet. Now I will judge you. :-) See you soon.

judith said...

yup, funny and odly recognizable stuff.... looking for a way to keep track on this one :)