Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Is it so wrong to feel like I've conquered?

First of all - LOOK WHAT I FOUND!

Oh happy nerdy day!

The sock that has been torturing me from heel on, a photojournal:

At first I totally understood the joy of the sock (as inspired by harlots of the yarn variety) - it's portable, easy and not so hoggy at the dinner table . I took my sock everywhere with me. At first we were inseparable. The new ebony needles at one with me, my bag, and anything that could break them...I'm knitting on 2.5 needles here.

Eventually the heel came upon me and holes abounded. I've frogged this damned sock at least 7 times. I was ready to give up knitting because clearly if I couldn't read the pattern to turn the heel I was not meant to read any pattern. Until finally Lady Marmalade told me that I was not alone and that "a short row heel" was much more manageable. Thank god. After taking a time out alone to knit on Clapotis. I returned yesterday to give the heel some time...

Look Ma! No holes!

I was so excited about this event that I finished the sock, frogged and restarted a previously finished disappointing sock and got ready to frog it's mate. Oh my friends....so. satisfying. That's what happens when my Partner in Crime has a show and I can sit at home with a CSI fest on...so happy right now.

Ta Da!

Monday, August 29, 2005

Now this is how to tease me.

My PIC loves to tease me about my obsessions. I love it when he finds high quality comics to do so. Well played my friend, well played.

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Canadian Foods - Does no one question??

I've never noticed the full joy of the name of this famous Canadian desert treat.

How delightfully filthy dirty.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Oh Happy Day!

Thanks to my friend Jeff I have hours of sweet atheistic mockery at my disposal.

Pat Robertson, thank you for this.

I desperately want a footnote as to where in the bible JC says not to read horoscopes...

Monday, August 22, 2005

Women bonding....

At yoga:

The instructor (who is fabulous) says to me while we are doing shoulder stands: "Jennifer, breathe more fully into the back of your ribs to fully engage the energy"

Me: "Help. me. am. drowning. in. the. double. d's"

I'm not exaggerating.

After the class another student comes to me and says - Man if you think that's bad you should have seen me when I was breast feeding. There are so many aspects of that statement that dissuade me from breeding that it boggles my mind.

In other less disturbing news of female bonding:

Knitting. My beautiful aryan niece came to visit this weekend. There are stories of zoo visits but the weekend ended with this. Maddy has a natural tendancy towards all things sheep - please see Lucy Liu, her lamb behind us.

Friday, August 19, 2005

Dinner with the kids

A bunch of my friends came over for dinner last night - delightful and, for a change, not so debaucherous. All in all very enjoyable to see some of my closest friends most of whom we hadn't seen since the wedding.

My friends Aviva and Scott brought their beautiful baby over. It would seem that Mr. Max is getting teeth, this theory was spawned by his love of gumming anything cold and wet. He may look like he'd actually been drinking beer - but fear not fine reader - he couldn't keep the eye's open for the flash.

A story: When Max's father first moved to Toronto with his gfriend Aviva, we were in the height of our young constantly inebriated and debauched twenties. A time that we went out every night and sometimes came home but mostly found another bed to sleep in.

One night Scott wanted to hook up and get silly. This from a man who up until this point had been an on again off again teetotaller of varying degrees. So he and I were smoking herbal cigarettes and playing Tomb Raider on Playstation when Tania called and wanted to hook up for drinks at a local watering hole, Ted's Wrecking Yard. Flash forward 7 hours the night ending at 4:30 am at the Matador with me getting up in the grill of a trucker and eating a gyros? maybe poutine...who knows.

Flash forward another 7 hours later Aviva picks him up with less than no sympathy and brings him to the hospital where at the age of 25, he gets his stomach pumped, the Responsible Drinking Speech from the nurse and the stinkeye from his lover. It was a fucking great night though.

Anyhoo, meet Max - he'll know responsibl drinking years before Scott did.

That would be Uncle Nelson in the back quietly planning the future corruption of young Max.

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Day of Banal Judgement

Every once in awhile I find myself casting judgement on random people both acquaintances and strangers for the most inane reasons. I understand that I will often unwittingly insult people, get in there way, laugh or talk too loud, show up late for coffee, leave dirty dishes in the sink and forget to flush the toilet. Hell, I often will *try* and irritate people which makes these random days o' judgement even more hypocritical.

I suspect that my days of judgement occur when I'm ovulating. The fact I'm my harshest when I'm most fertile, of course lends some weight to the theory that, yes, although I will fight it - I will be chock full of tough love. Poor zygote.

But still I judge and today is that day OF BANAL JUDGEMENT:

- To delightful coworker who I normally enjoy. When I have two training sessions to run from 10:00am to noon. Why would you book a full hour long meeting from 9:00am to 10:00am? Do you not, after 5 years, understand that mornings are not magic for me? That I have to prepare for 2. Solid. Hours. of training people who hate new software? If you do insist on booking a morning meeting that early then please don't feel it necessary to comment on my morning ass face.

- Hey old lady who doesn't have a day job - why why why are you using a valuable lane in the pool during lunch hour. Would it be so inconvenient for you to go at 6:00am 2 hours after you wake up?

- Hey former coworker from SEVEN YEARS AGO. Ignore me in the changing room. I don't remember your name - I was drunk every day I worked in that office. Even more worrisome I don't know why you remember my name I don't think you said "Hi" once when we worked in the same building.

- Hello Knitter friendly commuter on the bus while I do love talking about the knit and I am so glad you've been knitting socks for 35 years and I really do admire your holeless heel sock. But no, I'm not interested in learning a new way to hold my needles in a new way that will be faster to knit with. If we were at a stitch and bitch and you had brushed your teeth then we could talk besides unless someone asks for advice then they don't want it.

- Hey coworker, your writing is hideous leaving me a note is less comprehensible than sign language to me and for fuck's sake if you want me to do something for you sign the note...actually, print your name.

- To Gap Management: When you have to give away free shit to get people not to buy BUT JUST TO TRY ON JEANS. You've become the retail equivalent of Kellog's and at least I got a cool step counter in my Special K.

- To Loblaws: Please tell me how it is possible that shipping root vegetables (carrots, turnips and potatoes) from the USA is cost efficient for you or for me? I can understand Avocados and Mangos - but carrots?

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Knit Factor # 9


I've frogged this sock I'm knitting at least 6 times in an attempt to fix the 'hole' that shows up when I turn the heel. I now have two pairs of socks in play and cannot seem to fix it.

Grrr....Does anyone have any thoughts? I'm following the simple sock pattern from the Twisted Sisters Workbook and am beginning to think I'm not meant to knit socks.

On an up note I think I've finally met the zen of knitting. I've started a bunch of projects and am on the cusp of finishing some outstanding projects. I've realized that the true joy of yarn and knots is that they are willing to wait as long as necessary for you to knit them up. It's true. I think my projects would rather me be enjoying the process instead of guilt tripping myself into spending time with them.

Who wouldn't prefer the guiltless quality time more?

Now if only I could guilt trip my Opal into knitting into a holeless heel.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

An Open Letter to Bell

To Whom it May Concern;

As of July 15th the telephone at the Bad Dog Theatre Company ceased getting a dial tone.

Due to staff and volunteer shortages, you were not contacted until July 30th when an appointment for a technician was booked to arrive on August 3rd between 5:00 pm and 10:00 pm which are standard business hours for the theatre (noted on our account). The repair ticket #12755240500 was opened and the technician never showed up.

A second appointment was scheduled for August 8th for the same time frame and yet again no technician arrived.

When I talked to a one of your representatives we decided that clearly 9:00 am to 5:00 pm would work better for the technicians, since our hours of operation are after 5:00 pm I suggested that the technician call me at my cell phone and I would leave my job to give the technician access to our theatre. We booked the appointment for August 10th.

The technician never called and when I called you again to find out what happened a representative said that the technician showed up and left because there was no one there to let them on the premises. I had not received any call on my cell phone from a repair technician as agreed on.

At noon on the same day we had two volunteers come in who do telephone repairs as an independant company. Steve and Jim removed all of the CPE from the demarcation point and found that the problem lay with the Bell cable connection to our demarc. They could not do the repair as the issue was with your cable equipment.

I called you again to arrange for a technician to come in on Friday, August 12th from 9:00am to 5:00 pm. This time I escalated the call to a supervisor Jerod Employee #M0527 who told me that you would not charge our Theatre for the time that the phone was down. As a not for profit/charity organization protecting our finances is always a priority.

We had a volunteer take the day to sit and wait at the theatre for the technician. Again, no technician arrived.

At 7:30 pm on August 12th, I called you again to find out what happened to our technician. To your credit, your representative was very nice and apologized profusely. Please understand that at this point there is a record of me calling 6 times on the ticket and still we had no phone service. This means that every time I call the representative puts me on hold for 5 minutes while she reads the history of the repair ticket and then is expecting an irate client when she gets back on the phone. While your customer service people are generally very sympathetic (only one of them hung up on me because I had called 4 times) they just couldn't seem to get a technician to show up for the appointments.

We made an appointment for a technician to come to the theatre on Saturday, August 13th between the hours of 12:00 pm and 5:00 pm. I had another volunteer wait from noon until 1:30 when I came to relieve him. When I arrived I called your repair line to confirm that the technician would be arriving before 5:00 pm and the representative told me that she could not promise that this would happen and promptly escalated the call to her supervisor Joanna.

Joanna told me that I shouldn't expect the technician to arrive before 5:00 pm, she took my phone number and promised to call me back when she had some information within 2 hours. She never called me back but on Monday, August 15 a technician came to the theatre to repair the lines.

We were not expecting a technician but since we could not afford to miss this appointment I left my full time job to give him access to the premises.

The phone now works but as a young theatre company on the Danforth we are left with a sour taste in our mouths. The challenge of this experience came with not knowing if our phones would get fixed before the 2005 Toronto International Improv Festival began and the frustration was never getting an answer or help resolving this issue. We worked around your repair technicians' schedule and we pay for that privilege.

Summary of Repair ticket #12755240500

  • Date Opened: July 30, 2005
  • Date Closed: August 15, 2005
  • Phone Calls: 9
  • Appointments made and missed: 6
  • Hours spent waiting for Bell: 37
  • Bell date which was not arranged: 1

Summary of Bill Negotiation

  • Phone calls: 1
  • Amount Adjusted: $36.00 (as verbally confirmed with Edward on August 16, 2005)

While on the phone negotiating the bill adjustment I was told that there is no way to get additional compensation for the length of time and the inconvenience of getting our phone repaired. Any information on how our theatre could be compensated for the time and effort it took to get the phone repaired or why technicians couldn't get to pre-arranged appointments would be appreciated.

Otherwise, we are starting our first annual fundraising campaign in September, perhaps as a gesture of good will your company would like to make a corporate donation? We can send you a tax receipt.


Jennifer Hendriks, President of the Board

Bad Dog Theatre Company

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Love is:

Last night at 11:30 coinciding with the end of the Daily Show...

With no warning:




Jason was already in bed so I went upstairs in a panic to find out if the onset of leprosy would impact his level of dedication and worship at the Church of Jen.

Me: My toenail fell off for no real apparent reason. Look, my toe is bald!!!! You have to still love me if I have leprosy. You're locked in.

Jason: Of course, and when your nose falls off I'll even describe the smell of your farts for you.

MY FARTS people - not flowers, not spring rain, not fresh snow. My farts.

and just like that romance died but I couldn't care less because he would describe the smell of farts to his noseless, limb dropping wife - now that is fucking love.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Skin Art

My love of the dragonfly was born in my first year of treeplanting with Outland/New Forest. My land was in the heart of a windless valley that was lush and overgrown. A perfect breeding ground for nature's little fuckers...the horsefly. God I hate them. There were thousands of them swarming anyone who was planting that land. All of a sudden the air was filled with little clicking noises and it became like a hum of clicking. When I looked up I saw millions of little blue dragon flies just eating the shit out of the horseflies. I fell in love.

When a dragonfly eats horseflies they actually bite the heads off and just eats the head. That rocks my world. It would seem that most insects have cyclical populations and that year was the dragonfly's peak population. It was beautiful.

I finally got my tattoo on Monday night. I love her. I've been wanting to get a dragonfly for a decade but have never seen one that looks original - the tattoo artist designed this baby.

Bobby was right - antennae are for pussies...

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Secret Pal 06

I know of a lot of knit bloggers that have done the Secret Pal event and am giddy with anticipation to give'er a go.

Talk about technology making the world a smaller place! My Grandmother would've loved having this sort of knitting community.

Saturday, August 06, 2005


My Poppa's funeral was today. I'm a little bit tipsy and posting this from my cottage. Funerals are such weird events. I've seen cousins, great aunts, friend and acquaintances from my grandfather's long extensive life today.

Lots of beers were drunk and many toasts raised in his name. This man lived a life full of the flaws that humans are born with and victories that he worked hard to achieve. Nothing really brings "it home" like examining this one man's life with a million different people's perspectives.

If you want something out of life you really really have to work at it to make it happen. He never seemed to expect that he would get what he wanted by sitting around waiting for it to happen. He hunted out his satisfaction and his purpose with a single mindedness that inspires me.

It was a universal theme in the conversations I had with family and friends that Poppa was unstoppable and that he gave them the tools they needed to do achieve what they needed even if they didn't know what they needed at the time.

How lucky am I?

Friday, August 05, 2005

Momma's got a new pair of shoes!

Like any diet the best part of a yarn diet is the binge:

Next pair o' socks!

I've been obsessed with this stuff for the past 2 months...giddy! Actually owning Koigu makes me pee my pants just a little. I'm going to give Clapotis a go....finally. No one ever said that I was a knitting trend setter it's all about my own little baby steps.

I'm almost done the right front of the sonnet and am about to turn the heel in the sock. I want to have one sock in the Opal ready to turn before I do this sock just so that I can fully get comfortable with heel turning.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

New Month's Resolutions

August - the month to revel in cliches!

1. Finish second striped sock with Fortissima Socka

2. Finishing ripping and restart Sonnet with beautiful deep red Alpaca yarn from Lettuce knit. nummy!!

3. End the month with less weight on my ass then when it started...for the love of pete when will the ass growth end?!?!

4. Eat one complete meal a day that is totally locally produced this should really be no biggie what with southern ontario being in full fruit & vegetable bloom right now.

5. Finish the book The Polished Hoe by Austin Clarke

6. Pick up my yoga where I left off - at 2 classes minimum per week.

7. Walk to work at minimum 3 times a week.

Update: The temperature is 28 but FEELS LIKE 37°C and the RELATIVE HUMIDITY 66% as per the weather network praise jebus that my life instinct kicked in. This goal has been postponed.

8. See one comedy show per week.

9. Bring smoking volumes down to a civil 1 - 3 per day.

I feel all out of practise with having any sort of urban schedule thus leading to the stringent keeping of perfectly reasonable goals....

Monday, August 01, 2005

The Honeymooners

Algonquin Park access points were all closed due to massive power outages. J and I had to hike 8 km in to the bush to get to our cabin...we weren't going to start at dusk after a 7 hour drive...The park employee is telling me that we are now considered a no show. So....
we checked into the Mountview Motel in Barry's Bay where we enjoyed wine and hot rods while contemplating the soundproofing. I've never been so happy to see the word Vacancy in neon.
It had everything newlyweds could want.

This was what the hike in looked like to me after about 30 minutes. That's right. It's a drivable road through bear country. This is what I found at the top of the hill...from my partner for life who was biking.

That Hot Rod was delish. About 1 hour later I saw J coming back on his bike. By this time the freshness was long gone. He was going to get the car thereby saving me from uncertain death by horsefly. This is what we found when we got to the cabin.

and some of this:

A LOT of this:

The secondary bonus to bringing the car in was that we could enjoy these divine liquids: Syrah, Chardonnay and Laphroiag:

This was the dawn after the one day of spectacular thunder and lightening storm as taken by J.

And this was my first visual that morning 2 hours later it's amazing the difference.

As we packed up camp: 'Man' in all of his glory. My heart skips a beat...

Man it was a great five days of peace, quiet and yahtzee. I recommend this to everyone.