Friday, April 29, 2005

Bring on the Sledge!

Why you should ALWAYS tell me that you're trying to set up a girlfriend with a boy at the table:

1. Because I will interpret your introduction of conversation topics that interest both of the romance victims loudly and obnoxiously at the table to the whole room
"Oh for heaven's sake HOW ARE THE TWO OF YOU NOT DATING?!?!?!"

2. Subtlety is my enemy we do not understand each other so if you stare pointedly at me for any amount of time I will pick up a kleenex to find the offending bat in my cave.

3. I hate being set up and 99% of the world's single population resents it when people try and set them up at a social function in public when everyone around them knows what is happening THUS I NEVER EXPECT TO SEE IT DONE. Why the fuck would you it would seem to me to be the death knell of what romantic interest might happen organically.

4. I am the Sledge. I will say anything and oft times it comes out brutally - I mean no harm. It's my nature. Kind of like Thor's hammer - the opinion just comes out. As a result any friends that still love me after 5 years are my friends for life and I will cut anyone that says anything bad about them.

1 comment:

aviva said...

i feel safer now knowing you're there to cut my enemies, if i have any that lingered past grade 3, that is...